My story

I know I may have told you this in the past before, but you probably didn't believe me or really understand the true extent of it.

I used to fight with my parents ALL the time. Really, literally every day from the first year of high school to probably... halfway through grade 11?? And even now I get into arguments with them (but rarely).

I used to be the most spoilt, bratty child imaginable. I'd wake up literally pissed off by the littlest things, and may I say they were also just the world's most unreasonable things to be pissed at. I'd basically spend every day unintentionally blinded by how bratty I was and how I was tormenting both my parents with my whining, complaining and numerous hissy fits. You see, I used to think that there was something wrong with me, I just simply never got along with them, no matter how hard I tried. Many of the arguments that occurred were due to miscommunication (language barrier) between my parents and I. My chinese was terrible, their english was even worse, so every time someone tried to explain themselves it seemed to make the situation ten times worse, and we'd all end up getting angrier than we were in the first place

I remember in grade 10 I think? or beginning of grade 11? I was at Sammy's house, and it was about 10pm and I asked my dad to pick me up. Knowing that it usually meant I wanted to stay as long as possible until I had to go home,  he was super considerate and dragged it out for longer so I could have more fun. Meanwhile, I was freaking out because Sammy's parents had to go to sleep really early that night and if dad came Rusty would definitely bark extremely loudly and all the automatic lights outside her parent's room would light up. Anyway, when he finally came at 11.30pm I threw my shit. I literally was the most ungrateful little shit, and I got so ridiculously angry at him in the car. 

Dad had spent the whole day cleaning up the WHOLE garden by himself, and he was absolutely exhausted (he loves his sleep) and stayed up just so that I could stay longer at Sammy's. Of course, I didn't think of anyone but myself in that situation and was just incredibly mad for no reason.

It's something I still regret today. I really really wish I had taken back my stupid behaviour that night AND all those years of being a total brat. When I got in the car and expressed how mad I was  (stupid fucking me), dad... exploded. So dad apparently used to have the worst temper, but after the first year of marrying my mum and especially after all these years of having to take care of 3 children, he has changed. He's basically an extremely patient person now. But, there's a limit to everyone's patience. Especially if someone was continually triggering and abusing that patience constantly (me). That night, was just, I can't even talk about it. I was just petrified. I had never seen dad so angry in my entire life. He stopped the car immediately, and the whole car shook as he raged and yelled at me. And I just.. I was so so scared. Anyway, after that night, it took many months before dad and I were back on normal terms.

Halfway through the year, without really realising it, my attitude towards everything in life started changing. The only thing that I changed in my routine or my daily life was being grateful for all the simple things in life, it gradually became more and more of an instinctive thing to do. 

These past two years, I have began to realise just how deeply I have been loved and cared for, ever since the day I was born. And even now, I will never be able to comprehend all the behind the scenes things that my parents have done for me, all the things sacrificed for me. Everything, absolutely everything... my parents have ever done, was for my wellbeing and was out of love. I was always treated like the little princess of the family, because I was the youngest and the luckiest. I was the only one that was allowed to go to my friends' houses, I was the only one that was actually allowed to attend parties. 

After my birthday resolution to be grateful for something every day and every night, my attitude started to change almost immediately. I was happier, and it made me see all the beautiful things that people did in the world just to improve someone else's day or mood. I was able to see everything clearer and see how friends helped each other out, how people complimented other when they looked particularly nice, how people comforted each other when they were feeling sad. I started to finally notice how much EFFORT, TIME and LOVE my parents invested in me, and how lucky, how blessed I truly was.

We all have those days that start off shit, but by simply realising all the beauty of the love that we all share and experience in this world, simply by realising the beauty of the wonders of the world, simply realising that today we are healthy people, today we can walk, today we can talk, today I have friends to enjoy my lunch time with, simply realising how lucky we are to have a functional and loving family... it can change your whole outlook on life. Everything that follows this way of thinking, leads to such a happier and more fulfilling life. By simply being grateful towards people's actions, I found myself learning how to take the same initiatives that other people took, how to be more compassionate, more to be more aware, how to be happier. Being grateful allowed me to learn how to be more patient in expressing how I feel to my parents. I began confiding them with the things that were going on in my own life, some secrets, my friends, guys... I let them in. I opened up to them, and ever since then, we hardly have arguments. I think they were over the moon that I finally FINALLY (about time) let them in. I have never felt safer, happier and more secure and grateful for my family.

Most of the time, I forget, but they always forgive me because they know that I try. Being the stubborn person I am, I always want to feel like I'm right even when I'm really not but sometimes the best solution, is just to let it go. In doing so, it saves me from having to feel shit for a prolonged time, it saves me from having to have that unsettling and uncomfortable feeling for the rest of the day. Hugging them and telling them I love them is possibly one of the hardest things I do in my life, but most of the time, it's the best way to say I'm sorry.

Anyway, I really need to do my work. I've rambled on for so long I'm so sorry. 

I don't know, this is just a snippet of my life I wanted you to know about, and probably doesn't apply to the way I behave most of the time (still a brat). However, being thankful, even just for how delicious a breakfast is, or simply how you are able to even have a nutritious meal in the morning, has helped me appreciate all the better things in life rather than noticing and letting all the insignificant annoyances in life piss me off. Fight the little annoying incidents that occur or things that people do to piss you off, don't ever let that bring you down. Don't let them define your day. Win by smiling with your hot dimples and your magnetic smile.

Happy days kicks the ass of sad/angry/annoying/pissed off days, and we all know that life is just better when we are happy (no shit), but we all have those shitty days and it's okay to feel the way you did today, I want you to know that. 

There are so many miraculous and beautiful things in the world (you know that), but I don't think any beauty can ever compare to that of someone's pure and honest happiness. That's something intangible, in the moment and irreplaceable.

You are so beautiful when you are happy.

I love you.